Onion News Network (video)

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Recent episodes from Onion News Network (video)

Economists Warn Anti-bush Merchandise Market Close To Collapse

Published: Sep 10, 08

The sudden drop in demand for "Buck Fush" T-shirts and "Hail to the Chimp" posters could leave millions unemployed.
Pre-game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life

Published: Sep 7, 08

After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.
Being A Detective Who Talks To Ghosts Not As Exciting As It Looks On Tv

Published: Sep 3, 08

On Today Now! paranormal detective Leonard Higgs explains that using ghosts to solve crimes actually involves a lot of paperwork.
Old, Grizzled Third-party Candidate May Steal Support From Mccain

Published: Sep 1, 08

Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.
Old, Grizzled Third Party Candidate May Steal Support From Mccain

Published: Sep 1, 08

Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate in the...
Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans

Published: Aug 27, 08

Overjoyed civil rights leaders say that Barack Obama has paved the way for future black politicians to be smeared as country club snobs.
Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To The South

Published: Aug 25, 08

Texas residents are relieved that the deadly Category 5 storm just missed them, destroying a horn-shaped land mass beneath them instead.
Californians Gather To Celebrate Annual Wildfire Tradition

Published: Aug 20, 08

Residents took part in rituals like picking through the charred remains of their homes and feigning shock that this could happen to them.
Latest Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election

Published: Aug 18, 08

A recent election poll indicates vegan independents and skydiving widowers are among the groups that will have a major impact in November.
Astronaut Suspects Nasa Using Him To Test Spaces Effects On Fat People

Published: Aug 13, 08

Mission specialist Robert Barrett first became suspicious when he noticed most of his tasks involved measuring his waist and eating cookie dough.
Chinese Officials: Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever

Published: Aug 11, 08

The Chinese government explained that the fatal disease is caused by the excitement of the Olympics, not infected birds, as was previously reported.
'cosmopolitan' Institute Completes Decades-long Study On How To Please Your Man

Published: Aug 6, 08

Cosmo scientists have finally cataloged every single way to satisfy your man's carnal cravings by stimulating his secret sex zones.
Pentagon's Unmanned Spokesdrone Completes First Press Conference Mission

Published: Aug 4, 08

The spokesdrone will field questions deemed too dangerous for a human press secretary, whose career could be irreparably damaged by answering them.
The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?

Published: Jul 30, 08

'In The Know' Panelists discuss whether our athletes will be able to escape from the bamboo cages the Chinese government will try to imprison them...
Study Finds Young People Remain Apathetic About Office Politics

Published: Jul 28, 08

Organizations hope to make youth see importance of getting prime parking spaces or a new desk lamp.